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This is me. In my new favourite hat. In fact, it’s my new favourite thing. Second to boy bump, of course. But in the same way that I’m currently doing the service of keeping-warm-and-protected kind of way for him, this hat is doing the same for me. We all need something, right?! Even if it’s the most simple thing.

The genius of this goes down to the lovely Evelyne from Urban Cosy. You HAVE to visit her Etsy shop HERE for other woollen and crocheted related beauties. I’ve already commissioned a mini one for boy bundle and a large one for Himself {including a pompom!}

It’s super warm, super slouchy and the best thing – it doesn’t itch at all. It comes a little tight but as Evelyne explained in her wonderful note accompaniment, it does stretch and pull to your head which mine did within days.

A perfect stocking filler. Do it.

In other news, my boy is wiggling around and seems to be getting stronger by the day. I’m excited and yet wary for those hefty kicks that all mums keep telling me will be with me soon. I quite enjoy my ribs, thank you. He seems to especially like David Bowie; good taste little one.

A couple of weeks ago I was feeling a little lost and I wrote the below:

Let me let you into a secret – I don’t feel like a ‘mum’. And it’s much more to my surprise than you, believe me. 

 Whenever I imagined having children I saw myself as a proper Jools Oliver, taking pride in my organisation skills with the school run and purchasing presents for the first run of party invitations; packaging my little ones off with braids in their hair and hand knitted woollen cardigans. 
 
Now that it’s a very real premise on the horizon I’m struggling with my apparent lack of zest for the aforementioned ideas. I don’t have that overwhelming sense of purpose that seems to take hold of a lot of women after the stick turns blue. Or red. Or whatever it is (mine simply said ‘pregnant’ – not to be misread!) 
 
My priorities have very much changed however, in that the things I held important or gave light to before my little bundle of boy bump came along now seem terrifically insignificant. This has left me feeling somewhat lost. 
 
It’s interesting to me that I’ve let myself slip into believing that all of ‘that’ made up ‘who I was’. That I’ve allowed myself to now be unsure of who I am because I have lost the ideas and rules I held in my head. 
 
If he were here I feel that it would be easier; I could keep my mind busy with working out when next to sleep or which cupboard I’ve put the bottles in. Because he’s still almost just an idea, this space is kind of a limbo land.”
//

I was becoming so frustrated that I decided to just DO something about it and as a result I’ve  been doing a lot of positive working these last two weeks with Mr Robbins as a great help. Happy to report that I feel a sense of purpose again and it’s ticking my days over quite nicely. Some things that I have found really make a shift are nightly grateful for lists and daily notes on what I’ve learnt, contributed and enjoyed. It’s amazing how one change of a word, one intention to do things different or time spent watching what you’re thinking can have such an effect. What do you find useful when you’re feeling a bit flat?

making : lists and endless notes and evernote notebooks.
cooking : up ideas.
drinking : hot juice, cranberry or orange. my favourite thing from being a bit poorly.
reading : tony robbins.
wanting : a maternity christmas jumper, please.
looking : into the world.
playing : at being sensible.
wasting : apples. I need to make more apple pie.
enjoying : being busy again. I have learnt that it’s so important for my soul to have purpose.
waiting : for boy bump, hurry up already.
loving : christmas. let it be all year.
marveling : same as above. it has the power to make me feel three years old again. it’s funny the associations we have with things.
needing : to be able to breathe through my nose.
smelling : chance. chanel. thanks lover.
wearing : my urban cosy hat!
following : oh my. jared chambers. all week.
knowing : secrets of fun things to do with the family.
giggling : mg’s little ways.
feeling : good.

That’s it from me this week lovely world! Always love your comments. CC xo

Comments

[…] I’m re-reading posts which I wrote before he arrived. So much has changed and yet so little has. I still don’t ever feel like I have a fucking clue what I’m doing. Although I did used to write a little better way back when… Check this one out. […]

Jools oliver is a capitalist marketing machine. Read my book. Be like me. Buy my baby blankets, they are 48 quid but have a retro motif of a babycham deer on them. Drink tea out of an oversized overpriced mug that says PUKKA on it….and repeat. etc etc

Do what feels right. bump will guide you!!!!!!

P.S My own cynicism scares the sh*t out me sometimes

Lovely post. See you Friday x

Really loved everything in this post.
Thanks for the sharing. ;)

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