jesse, aged 17 months


Jesse, I haven’t written to you for a long time. It seems life just caught up with us and I began to make excuses. My Jesse and me blog, the one I had so much passion for, it had to be put second to paid work and to looking after you and taking just some time for myself as well every day and in the end there was no time left. I’m a little sad about it as I wanted you to have these letters as a way of documenting your developments and a way of seeing who your mama was before you could remember.

What can I say, you are well and truly a little boy. Full of determination and confidence and courage and stubbornness. You’ve taken a real shining to your dadda since you could say the word and it’s come to it where you aren’t bothered about me at all. To the point of crying and screaming at me when I try to have any affection with you. You hit and bite occasionally and are so passionate about making your little voice heard. I’ve googled so much about how to handle you and I really just feel in my gut that you are just figuring all of this out. I’ve brought you into this crazy world so I have to be patient while you work out how to be a human inside it. We do the thinking step with you and ignore your screams as much as we can (as much as it’s safe to do so!) and you start nursery on Wednesday at a beautiful Montessori preschool so I’m confident you’ll learn how to share and play nicely with others while developing your confidence in yourself too.

Your food tastes have changed; you love sweet corn and fish and bread and raisins and bananas and strawberries and raspberries but you won’t go near most other vegetables or meat and aren’t keen on the Ella’s kitchen veg pouches any more. You’ve taught yourself how to hold and eat with a fork and you love to feed yourself that way; you push us away when we try to support you to eat. You drink mostly water and your lactose free milk although I’m sure your intolerance has passed, it still doesn’t hurt to not drink the pure white stuff.

You can say ball and dadda and mumma and gog which is dog. You ADORE music and dance your feet and nod your head whenever anything with a beat comes on. It’s the most magical thing to watch. You’ve been walking now for around 3 months and I’m very excited to be able to buy you some awesome chunky boots when you’re a little older. For now you have Clarks navy ones with an airplane on the side. You screamed when we took you for your first shoe fitting but now try to put on any shoes you see; even if they are several sizes too big.

You are obsessed with balls and football and love to sit up with your dadda while he plays FIFA and pretend you are playing with an old controller. I dislike it that you’re learning what an Xbox controller is already and I have to find some balance.

We read quite often although I would like to make more of a habit of it. You try to turn the pages ahead of where I am reading from and get angry when you can’t hold the book yourself. It’s quite tough really being your mama at the moment.

You just have one nap a day, sometimes 30 minutes and sometimes 2 hours. You go to bed at 7 or 7.30 each evening and wake up around 7.30 or 8am. I aim to be happy every single morning I wake up with you and at the moment you cry when it’s me getting you dressed and not your dad. You’ll figure out soon who is in charge :)

Jesse, you are the hardest work and yet my greatest achievement. I love you all the world and I’m so excited for our life together. Mama xxx