love letters to the world; 05

love letters to the world; 05

I’m not sure this week really can be classed as a ‘love letter to the world’. I initially began writing these as a way of sharing my inspirations and general thoughts in that specific week, but really I want to use my own blog space to be able to vent as well.

This week I’ve been feeling jealous. And not really the jealousy that can be used to motivate… just the jealousy that makes you feel pretty black inside. So many of my photography peers, indeed a lot of them I would count as friends, just seem to be producing the most incredible work from all across the globe, CONSTANTLY.

They aren’t, of course. Social media shows it that way. They’re all having their own insecurities, issues with their spouse, financial worries; whatever their ‘dark’ is. I know all of this, I can talk myself through it. But that initial POW when I see ‘such and such elopement in such and such exotic place’…. it just hits me. I just feel so limited on time, always. I can’t offer pre wedding shoots in my package because I simply can’t spend 30 days additionally per year shooting. I wish I could. I wish childcare was no issue. I wish Jesse could just jump on a bus home from school himself.

I wish I was more relaxed about the whole thing…. I don’t want to be Mrs Whine. I just need to pick up the bloody camera. But then, I don’t want all my time with him to be stuck behind a little black bit of technology. I want him to be able to see my eyes. So in truth, I’m choosing to not have all this work to turn out on instagram all of the time. Because what it takes to seem that successful online…. I’m not willing to be unsuccessful in other areas of my life just for that.

What I’m grateful for:
1. The most incredible group of friends who just make me feel like I’m doing pretty good in my life. It’s such a pleasure working alongside one of my best friends at least twice a week right now xx

2. Having made a child who has turned three. Not sure how I’ve managed to raise him to be an actual human… but there you go. Although he is half Avenger (my superhero obsession may have worn off…)

3. Sunshine coming to the UK finally. Wearing sunglasses and flip flops. Please can I just live in these for the rest of eternity.

4. Wedding season is nearly upon me. Which means, following on from my moan above, LOTS of work to share out!

And… just to end this whole thing off… I’m really enjoying spending more time on Pinterest again and becoming reinspired with my ART AND PHOTOGRAPHY FOR THE EYES AND HEART board.